|Holy Christmas Baubles! It's a homemade Batman advent Calendar!|
When the shops start filling up with Christmas things at the start of November, I feel all blasé, sure in the knowledge that this year I can keep spending at a budget. I laugh in the face(s) of Lindt Christmas chocolate bears, give the tinsel a withering look and cock a snoot at the toy catalogues . I am not going to let the commercialism of Christmas get the better of me, I lie to myself, quite convincingly actually.
But it is there in blue and white, on the fridge since, I dunno, June? My son's wish list:
4. Goßes Wettreee
6. Mandalorian (scribbled out)
7. Bounty Hunter
9. Blokhaus (scribbled out)
You are not alone if you do not know what half of these things are, despite my son's spelling errors. If you do, then you are also living and breathing the world of teeny tiny little bits of moulded plastic, which enter your home innocuously in neat packets of cellophane, and end up flung in all far corners of the flat. The world of lego.
I love Lego, especially when I find a 1, 5 centimeter laser sword under the sofa, managing in the nick of time to save it from the hoover, and reunite it with its owner, the honorable Yoda from star wars. Or seeing out of the corner of my eye a 5 millimetre long Vendmari Fang Blade which I put back in the Ninja's weapons cabinet from Ninjago. There are 32 other weapons in the collection that you can order, by the way, see here to view the full collection and see animation on how they are used on an unarmed combatant.
But I feel I am allowing my obsession with miniscule weapons get me off the subject of Christmas. You see! I am doing it again, trying not to think about it. But, by the way, think how great the world would be if all weapons were the size of lego ones. The cold war would have been a bit less tense.
President of the US: The Russians have got 200 nuclear weapons pointing at us!!
Defence Minister: Oh, don't worry. They are only 2 centimetres long. In fact they are also made of plastic.
President of the US: Its not fair, why didn't I get any nuclear weapons for Christmas?
Defence Minister: But Mr. President. What about that box you got for your birthday?
Presendent: But that was ages ago. I want some now. Now . Now !!!!Screams. Throws himself to floor. Beats floor with fists.
Defence Minister: Naughty step. NOW!!!
or drug wars might be a whole lot different:
Gang member 1 " I blew him away with my 0,000000000000001 mm shotgun"
Gang member 2 " I blew your gun away just by blowin' it, sucker"
Again, I feel I am talking about everything except for the inevitable. Just as I am enjoying my lego trains of thought, along comes my son and asks:
Can you buy me the Lego Starwars Advent Calendar, please?
Now there was a time, at least I think there was a time, when advent calendars counted down the days until Christmas and you got a teeny bit of chocolate for your trouble.
Containing collectable lego figures and at 30 Euros a pop, I could only justify giving this calendar to my son as a Christmas present, by then it would be obviously redundant.
So I decided to get all Blue Peter and got me scissors and glue out and made my own, out of a Weetabix packet. My son helped me by sticking batman stickers all over it , just to give it that Christmassy finish and to remind us all what Christmas is really all about. Ridding the world of psychopaths and keeping them behind bars in Arkham Asylum, of course.
Now I have got the task of buying what goes inside it which will probably come to 30 Euros anyway in the end, and the worry that it will spontaneously combust by day two, if the Joker has anything to do with it.
And its only November the 22nd. Holy Satsuma! What a run up to Christmas its going to be!