Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Hotel Spaß*

When you feel the fast moving tempo of today’s world is leaving you behind there is nothing like overhearing a conversation of under 14 year olds to make you realise that, yes, the world has left you behind and you will never catch up:

 “..and each day lasts 3 seconds”
“but you can change the time to how you like”
“I put an arcade and a gym in at the same time once, and they all went to the gym. They didn’t go and visit half -half. They’re crazy.”
“Yeah, they stay in the laundry room for two years sometimes. Mad.”
“And when they go into the computer room they just bang their hands up and down, bang bang on the keyboards.”
“But it’s crazy, you open something up, say an arcade, and they all go in.”
“Are they complaining now, this minute?”
“No, they’re happy now”
“But then they say, “I want a gym, I want a gym, I want a gym! You go and build a gym and they don’t even use it!”
“Yeah, they are really stupid like that.”
“How long does two years last?”
“About 10 minutes.”
“Look at that maid. We fired her and she keeps on cleaning up. Thank you very much for doing that. Look at her - she’s still cleaning.”
“But, you know, when you open something up, they all just go straight in, it is crazy the way they do that.”
 “And have you seen the disco? In the disco they stick their hands up in the air like this.”
“……………… and they keep on doing it for years and years, right?”
“But there is only one in there right now”
“Yeah but he’s been there for ages-“
“I’ve built 49 floors now.”
“Expand, expand, click on expand!”
 “Damn,  I just built a floor over a lift, room, room, room.”
“Knock it down then”
“ I can’t because that will cost even more money”
“ But you know what. You open something up and they all just go straight in. It’s really crazy they all just go straight in.”
“You’ve said that four times now”

*Spaß, pronounced "shpahss" means “fun” in German and Hotel Spaß is an online game that you can play on Spielaffe.de.**  The English original is called Theme Hotel. It is a construction and management simulation game in which your goal is to build a five-star hotel”, which is just about the very definition of ‘fun’ isn’t it? Don’t tell me you didn’t know about that game already?! What planet are you living on anyway?

**Spielaffe translates rather inelegantly as “game-ape”, and is a German platform for free computer games “for all the family***”, with plenty of ads of course.

***Warning: Don’t try playing this game on your computer at home in front of your kids. It will only end in humiliation and shame as you fail to get even one of the five stars in the game. My advice, leave it to the kids but enjoy the game's Muzak.**** 

**** The term Muzak is so like 1934! Now its called Mood Music. You didn’t know that? Really. Where have you been for the last 4 years? In Bielefeld, a smallish and often overlooked***** town in northern Germany? Oh no, sorry that’s me.

 *****I think the makers of this game may have made a few oversights. Why not up the “fun” stakes by introducing a few eccentric millionaires into the mix. In this case your guest wouldn’t just be griping about not having a gym. He might be more concerned that his peas be arranged in a certain order. Or perhaps the ghost of a recently deceased guest of the Ritz that threatens to scare your guests away? Or a few room-wrecking rock stars hurling furniture out of the window? And last, but not least, what about a mass walkout by staff because of the frequent on the spot sackings?

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