To Die For

After about a year of indecision I bought a new printer. It was only when I got home that I noticed the name, HP ENVY. I wondered why I had bought a printer with such a negative sounding name, and anyway, why name your brand after one of the seven deadly sins? Once I let Envy into my home office though, everything just went downhill from there, with some few broken commandments finishing off my home office look.

To Die For

My printer's name is Envy
My computer's brand is Greed
My smart phone is called Lust
And my headphones Gluttony

I have some pens called Foolish Pride
They come in several shades
Of Hubris and Pomposity
Self-regard and Vanity

And Sloth is my hole-punch
(It's teeth make quite a mess)
And Anger is my number cruncher
I just call him 'Ken'*

My desk is from HabiHate 
The chair from I-Sneer
My shelf is from Primevil
And my lamp from John Leer

My walls are painted Poison Green™
My carpet Sicknote Beige®
My curtains Rancid Banana©
And the stationary Scarlet Rage♻︎

My friend's pad has a better flair
Decked out in Marxist Spinster ware
Envy's just the start of sin
I'd kill to have her paper bin

So now that Envy's entered in
I'm done with virtue signalling**
I've a printer to die for, all should be well
but for the fact this could all lead to hell.



*Apologies to Kenneth Anger (filmmaker)
** Virtue signalling is the expression or promotion of viewpoints that are especially valued within a social group, especially when this is done to enhance the social standing of the speaker (Wikipedia.)